someone turn me into a painting or a poem i’m sick of being a person

if my son cheats on his girlfriend ima smack the shit out of him and send the girl a sephora giftcard.
I honestly don’t care if a girl doesn’t shave her legs.. I mean I’m a guy and most of the time I’m way too lazy to shave my face, I can’t imagine having to shave my legs, you ladies are impressive
These are the types of guys we need